Another lovely Yorkshire morning, actually no sarcasm this time, my window is open there is sun beaming through the curtains already even at 6am and the air smells fresh.
The thing is, this morning I tried to snooze my alarm again, could I already be giving up on myself? I could hear the alarm, it's not my usual alarm from my I phone as that has a cracked screen and I can't afford to have it fixed ( I only took a selfie???) it was a quieter sounding alarm from my hire phone, a phone so old there was no clock it just had a sundial on the back to trigger the alarm!
I had no water at the foot of the bed this time to wake me up although evidence of last nights snacking was laid on the floor as I somehow missed the bin just inches away and as I fell from bed; lacking any grace I landed on a banana skin and laughed to myself about how this day could potentially be a bad one!
I was worried that I am giving up already though, as I mentioned yesterday, seeing things through is key to any kind of self improvement and yet here I am just a few days in thinking about snoozing the alarm; having cake for breakfast and just shouting English louder at any French people that don't understand me before surmising that they must be stupid if they don't know English.
What would my blog readers think if only 5 days in I just gave up and continued walking the same path getting the same results? Some would be disappointed where others would probably not care at all and find something to read that they could have more faith in like an email from a woman you never met proclaiming her love and friendship for you and promising pictures if you join her dating website, or a text from some ambulance chasers about that accident you had a few months ago, only upon inquiring with them would you find out they meant one that required hospital treatment not one that required a change of underwear!
Now I can't allow that, I have to get my mind right. There is a little voice in my head, we all have one, it's a sub personality in some ways. The voice sounds a little like your own voice, as you hear it not as it sounds when you hear a tape of yourself and cringe into the foetal position until you stop talking. This sub personality is you, a mini you inside your head judging you, laughing at you, sometimes telling you silly jokes so you laugh to yourself on the bus and look up to see all the other passengers shuffling away.
This voice can be annoying, for example whenever someone tells me their name when I 1st meet them just as they say the name my little inner voice yells "LA LA LA NOT LISTENING" and the name never goes in thus making the person 'mate' until I hear someone else call their name.
You can train this voice though, it can give you pep talks and tell you never to give up. The voice can tell you you're a big bad fatty if you even look at a cake while dieting or can tell you to keep running for the finish line in a marathon when your legs try and find a park bench to rest on.
Part of this goes back to yesterday's blog, looking at what steps along the way you need to hit, if you are running a marathon, its 26 miles so you know you have to run that distance to complete the marathon, if you were just running you may give up after only 5 miles because you have nothing set to run to and lets be honest running 5 miles is hard enough, hell I feel tired when I run a bath!
Your little voice can give you focus if you train it to, sure there needs to be discipline but I found writing these things on my white board today have given me that little bit of discipline, even the bits where my early morning handwriting make it look like a drunk spider has crawled through ink then across the board, its making sense and my little annoying voice is now a focus voice.
In fact I got a delivery this morning from Graze, the snack people. It was my free snack box.... goodies!!! but my focus voice said, oi.... fat lad, sit down do some more work then get out on your bike for an hour this afternoon and earn that snack or I'll keep reminding you of that time you called the head-teacher mum at school and everyone laughed at you! (seriously that memory makes me cringe so badly)
I am pleased with the way my inner voice can be trained like this, it shows that I really do want these changes in life to happen and I'm not just frivolously playing at it because my missus changed the locks on the door while I was putting the bins out and I haven't seen her since!
Wanting it means it will happen. Wanting it and sharing with friends, getting the support of other like minded people and having family on board with me, well that all makes it so much more attainable.
I will talk more about wanting it tomorrow... someone remind me! Ah, white board! see you all then.
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