I gave myself a morning off from waking up early today, oddly I still woke and rose earlier than I would have and yet because it was after 8am which by my normal standards is still a time I'm used to getting in not getting up, I felt this strange feeling in my stomach. I had rolled on to my hire phone in the night and it was now stuck to me, welded by a little sweaty natural adhesive however, it was not that.
I also felt it in my head, a sense of regret or shame..... I actually felt guilty for not getting up to make the most of this new day!!!!
Perhaps I have some momentum? I think you need momentum when suddenly deciding to make changes in your life but I would certainly say discipline is more important. I have never been one for discipline ever since visiting Amsterdam as a teenager and trying the hall of discipline, I had no idea I could feel such shame!
This has made me think that I should try and use both discipline and momentum, the momentum to keep going throughout the change process and discipline to get back into routine when there has been a break, which there will be.
Today is the last day of my daily introduction to this process before I go weekly, I hope you keep reading and if you are doing anything similar drop me a comment.
For me it has started to sink in just what I am doing to myself as I jump on the scales this morning and despite losing a lot of weight still tipping them at 14st 10, I'm 2 stn too heavy still!!! I saw a picture of myself taken last November, I had a handlebar tash for Movember yet that was not the most shocking thing about the picture. Well I say shocking, it's not that shocking much like one of those posts on Facebook that say how shocking the picture will be and it turns out to be a celeb eating a dohnut! But what happened next will blow you away!! (by that I mean it will create moderate interest for a few seconds)
What was shocking was how awful I looked, I remember looking in the mirror that weekend when the picture was taken and thinking... looooooking gooood Jimbo! my brain is an asshole! it makes me believe I look good when clearly a camera proves I do not. The football shirt I was wearing was stretched over a belly that rivaled a Buddha. But I can lose this weight, I will eat better and now I have bought a bike I will ride it rather than use it as an expensive clothes horse, I don't care how sore my arse was from riding it home.
My goal today though, spend 2 hours working on French, I know nothing about speaking French, I never could pick it up at School, I just didn't have that certain 'I don't know what'!! today I will lay the foundations.
Tomorrow out on the bike, Monday I will find a new day job so I can afford stuff!! Tuesday I will begin writing. Whatever it is you are doing, good luck, I'll see you in a week and let you know how I am getting on.
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